Approximately 600 miles from Florida’s coast, the Caribbean island of Jamaica thrives with vibrant culture. It birthed reggae music and the legendary Bob Marley. Known as “the land of waterfalls,” Jamaica boasts beaches with turquoise seas and white sand, which primarily attract most tourists.
Jamaica teems with hotels and all-inclusive resorts, which form the only properties and people most travelers meet while visiting the island. Therefore, most visitors will say it’s a gorgeous destination full of friendly folks.
Resorts have never really been our thing. The goal of a resort is to curate a fantastical and predictable experience that shields guests from the least favorable parts of an area. A highly desirable characteristic for some travelers. But we find the idea of a cookie-cutter vacation monotonous and unauthentic. There’s nearly no difference between a resort in Ocho Rios, Jamaica, and one in Miami, Florida. And by that measure, what’s the point of traveling at all?
The whole point of traveling internationally is to experience the differences between countries and cultures. That’s why we prefer to rent independent accommodations like Airbnb and create our own itineraries. We want to interact more directly with the local people and their everyday lives. We try to understand what it’s like to reside there.
Jamaica – An Honest Opinion
In the case of Jamaica, we likely have an unpopular opinion. Not only would we not want to live there, we wouldn’t even recommend visiting. Sure, the ocean is beautiful, but there’s a reason the resort staff recommends guests not leave the property. The island is nothing like it appears from an umbrella-topped lounge chair on the manicured sands of a Sandals or a Four Seasons.
On the contrary, the island is dirty, trash litters public beaches, and few people act friendly. Everything is expensive, especially groceries, and most locals working service jobs not only appear to be utterly indifferent to providing decent service, but they exude a palpable animosity toward tourists, seemingly white tourists in particular. We’ve visited dozens of countries and never felt less welcomed than in Jamaica.
Some individuals will assume the lack of hospitality is due to the country’s level of absolute poverty. Yet, we’ve been to plenty of impoverished places where the people are some of the kindest and most generous on Earth. Fortune is as much an attitude as it is a marker of monetary wealth.
All that said, we made the most of our six days in Ocho Rios, Jamaica. We visited some of the country’s top destinations and created some great memories in the process.
Blue Hole vs. Dunn’s River Falls
Dunn’s River Falls located in Ocho Rios, is one of Jamaica’s national treasures. It is also one of the most popular tourist destinations in the country, with busloads of visitors commuting in from resorts and cruise ships across the island. For this reason, we chose to avoid it. Most reviews state that while Dunn’s River Falls is beautiful, it often feels crowded and hectic. So, instead, we opted for the equally stunning but slightly lesser-known Natural Blue Hole, also known as Island Gully Falls or Secret Falls.
Natural Blue Hole Eco-Attraction
Despite its relative popularity, Blue Hole still feels like a hidden gem. This natural wonder features sinkholes, waterfalls, and natural pools, all distinguished by a striking blue color caused by minerals flowing from upstream. It’s both exciting and relaxing.
It was our son Haven’s birthday, so climbing waterfalls, jumping from rocks, and swinging into turquoise water were the perfect plan for the day. Admission to Natural Blue Hole is $25 per adult and $15 per child. The park doesn’t require guides, but we recommend them for those unfamiliar with the waters. For safety reasons, we hired a team of two.
The river is a short hike beyond the park’s entrance through tropical forests. Along the trail are several impressive banyan trees and an abundance of ferns and other native foliage. A couple of makeshift bars along the way sell beer, rum punch, and other local indulgences.
River Guides & River Rides
When we arrived at the river, the boys were eager to get in. A platform across the river, near the falls, provides a safe jumping spot. So, our guides—confident and agile on the slippery rocks—led the boys behind the falls and up to the platform. The river and pools below are a stunning aqua-blue color, perfect for swimming and watching the action. There are ropes across the pools, making it easy to pull yourself across and out of the water. The water was pretty chilly, so I watched from the rocks, enjoying the sun through the trees.
After jumping a few times, our guides led us further up the river, wading through rushing water to reach an even more impressive series of falls. Based on photos, these look more like Dunn’s River Falls, with massive rocky outcroppings and coursing white water. Again, our guides directed us to where it was safe to jump, and the boys had a blast plunging in.
The river swing is the grand finale of a visit to Natural Blue Hole Park. A long metal cable anchored high above the river carries riders far out over the last pool, allowing for high-flying gymnastics on the way down.
A Disappointing End
We spent roughly two hours at the park and had a fantastic time. However, we were annoyed that our guides insisted we pay them additional money at the end. We’d already given them a tip. Still, they followed us into the parking lot, saying we hadn’t paid them as much as other tourists. It was a disappointing end to an otherwise great excursion. Welcome to Jamaica…
Exploring Fern Gully Gorge
Located about five minutes from downtown Ocho Rios, Fern Gully is a lush tropical gorge that winds through the landscape for about three miles. Reminiscent of the movie that shares its name, this beautiful stretch of roadway isn’t really a destination and is likely not known by most tourists to the area. The gorge was a river until 1907, when an earthquake dramatically altered the land, causing the river to divert and disappear. The riverbed has since been paved into a road that connects Moneague and Kingston.
Fern Gully is named for the nearly 300 fern species that cover its towering walls. The area is scarcely lit by sunlight and about ten degrees cooler than the rest of the region, making it quite enchanting. There is nothing to do in Fern Gully, but it’s worth a drive for the sake of its natural beauty. Besides, it’s free and public, a rare combination in Jamaica.
Tubing Jamaica’s White River
River tubing is one of our favorite activities. It’s typically a relaxing way to spend time on the water. Although, we’ve also had a couple of exhilarating experiences as well. White River Calypso Rafting & Tubing is about ten minutes from the center of Ocho Rios. Tube rental is $30 per person. A guide is provided and leads groups of a dozen or so people down the river. The float lasts about an hour, and there’s a stop about midway at a very rustic riverside cafe that offers cold beverages, snacks, and the use of their restrooms. There’s also a rope swing for a little added river fun. Of course, our boys quickly took advantage. For the most part, the entire setup is very primitive, but it’s the perfect pitstop for a cold beer, a potty break, and a few pictures.
The ride down the White River isn’t long, but the water is cool and calm, and the route is shaded by tropical vegetation. It’s a lovely way to spend a little time in Ocho Rios. And to the credit of the White River Calypso Rafting & Tubing, our guide was friendly and fun, and had us laughing for most of the trip. A standout in Jamaica!
Plantation Smokehouse Near Ocho Rios
Near our Airbnb Blue Haven is a colorful thatched-roof restaurant called Plantation Smokehouse with a large sign that reads “We ♡ Food.” Since we also ♡ food and were starving after our jaunt down the river, we stopped in for lunch. Plantation Smokehouse looks like a venue as much as a restaurant, with plenty of outdoor seating, multiple bars, and a stage for entertainment. The menu comprises typical Jamaican dishes like Jerked Chicken, Braised Oxtail, and Smoked Lobster. The prices were standard for the island, so we ordered a variety of dishes. They were all delicious. It was our best restaurant experience in Ocho Rios.
Ocho Rios Local Beaches
Despite having access to a lovely community pool with our Airbnb Blue Haven, we were enthusiastic about spending time on Jamaica’s world-renowned beaches. Since several public beaches were nearby, we thought finding a beautiful spot would be easy. To say they were disappointing is a vast understatement. There was garbage everywhere—in the parking area, in the grass, in the sand, in the water—everywhere. There was so much broken glass that we were nervous about taking our shoes off or stepping into the waves.
Hoping we’d just picked the wrong beach on our first stop, we drove further, stopping at a gas station and asking locals for their opinions on the best options. Taking their advice and directions, we visited three beaches. They were all the same, covered in garbage. Inevitably, we ended up back at our community pool.
Luminous Lagoon
Hoping for better luck on Jamaica’s northern coast that evening, we had a driver pick us up and take us to Luminous Lagoon, a stretch of marshlands along the north shore. About an hour west of Ocho Rios, mangroves surround the lagoon where microscopic bioluminescent organisms fill the waters and light up when agitated. The lagoon, the most extensive and brilliant of the world’s four, draws visitors and scientists from across the globe.
Boat tours are available at Glistening Waters Hotel, Restaurant & Marina in Falmouth. We were hopeful about this experience, but we were let down. The small boats run continuously, taking dozens of tourists into the marsh at a time. They are crowded and far from fancy.
We waited about an hour before we could even board. Our captain, trying to be funny and entertaining, came off as arrogant and rude. He even yelled at people getting in and out of the boat to swim. He barely gave his guests any time in the water because he was eager to return to the marina since all the boats competed to carry additional visitors. Not that anyone wanted a whole lot of time in the water. It’s so shallow that it is difficult to swim without sticking your hands and feet in the thick muck at the bottom. It’s slimy and disgusting.
Taking pictures was also almost impossible. All of our photos came out blurry because it was night, the boat was rocking, and people in the water were kicking and splashing to get the bioluminescence to glow.
This tour sounds cool in concept, but if we had to make the choice again, we would skip visiting Luminous Lagoon.
Green Grotto Caves
Our last attempt at tourist destinations in Ocho Rios, Jamaica, was Green Grotto Caves. The caves have had numerous names over the years, many reflecting their use at that time. The island’s first inhabitants, Arawak Indians known as the Tainos, likely used them as shelter. But their uses have been vast and various over the years. Gun smugglers used them to hide weapons, the government used them to store rum barrels, and some creative entrepreneurs in the 1980s used them as a nightclub. Today, the Urban Development Corporation owns and manages the caves.
The caves, which are 1,525 meters long and 12 meters deep, are a labyrinth of chambers, tunnels, and light holes that weave visitors below and above ground. The most notable feature is a subterranean lake, the Green Grotto. The cost to enter the caves is $20 per person. You must be accompanied by a tour guide and wear a safety helmet.
Touring the caves is an engaging way to spend an hour or so. Some of the chambers are impressive in size, literally large enough to function as a nightclub. But the tour guide was unenthusiastic and seemed put out that we were there. I wouldn’t recommend the expense to other tourists.
The Ultimate Jerk Centre
Located directly across the street from Green Grotto Caves is a restaurant called The Ultimate Jerk Centre, and the name could not be more accurate. Not because they serve the best jerk food, but because they are the ultimate jerks. This was the experience that tipped the scales on our opinion of Jamaica. It could not have been more obvious that these people did not want us there. The restaurant was huge, full of large wooden tables, and basically empty. When we asked to be seated, they walked us out of the restaurant into a large gazebo in the back with plastic chairs and rickety tables.
Like all the service we received in Jamaica, it was awful, and the waitress reeked of disdain. The food came in paper boxes and bags, and it likely indicated that she wanted us to take it and go. We stayed anyway and ate the mediocre food there. The only positive thing I could say about The Ultimate Jerk Centre is that a friendly bird visited us while we ate. He was entertaining; other than that, the restaurant deserves zero stars.
Final Thoughts on Ocho Rios, Jamaica
Skip it. Jamaica was a profound disappointment. Having grown up listening to and loving Bob Marley and hearing so many stories about the endless white sand beaches and turquoise waters from our resort-going friends, we were really looking forward to escaping the January cold of our home state and soaking in the irie vibes of Jamaica. Instead, we found a culture of people who disdain tourism and have low regard for the environment. Moreover, it’s expensive. Not that there are no fun things to do or sights to see, but if you asked us where you should spend your vacation dollars, we would recommend much better options.
Sorry, Jamaica. We wanted to love you… But this is our honest review.
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